I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
