What did we do last night that was yellow?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize