I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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