dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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