I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
