overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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