Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
