What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
