I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
