I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
