i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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