Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
