do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
