I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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