You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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