Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
