guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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