I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
