Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize