I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
