maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
