the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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