Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
