There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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