dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
