Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
