Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she smelled like a LAN party
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
