Life is so much better after having sex.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
