Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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