I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
