So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
