Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
