I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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