if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize