They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
