Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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