WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
