I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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