i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
