i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
