Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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