just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize