the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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