I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
