If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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