why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
