I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
