The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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