4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
