When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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