john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
