As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
