he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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