he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
