i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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