overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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