break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize