I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
