Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
