sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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