Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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