Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
