On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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