In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
