Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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