I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I could fuck to npr.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
