Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
