never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
