You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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