i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize